For the record I am the crowned post it queen, post it as in sticky notes, that is. I was strategically placing quotes, affirmations, and reminders in my mirror daily, long before Mary Jane. And Issa I feel you, I’ve been in conversational relationship with my mirror since I was in single digits, my sisters will gladly tell you about that, blame my creative spirit. The post its were my way of reminding myself of my goals, and personal changes that I wanted to make in my life, I’m a visual person, therefor I called this system…accountability. The mirror, well, let’s just say I’ve always been my own hype man and rarely let a day go by where I wasn’t going from motivational talks to full blown performances; If not you, then who? As I sought change over the years, I thought about it in terms of wants; what I want, where I want to be, and what I want to have. I would stick that post it in the mirror and dance around feeling like – yeah girl, you deserve it! Looking back, I see how my train was way off the tracks, let me tell you why.
When I think about some of the defining moments in my life, the ones that brought me to want and / or seek change, I realized that I was seeking that change based on feeling as though I deserved something and actually manipulated my own self into believing that. Entitlement drove this idea that the world owed me, not having fully grasped the concept of value, and so out of tune with who I was, I was unable to comprehend that the world didn’t owe me anything that I didn’t value of myself. How was I to receive something that I was unable to recognize. It became clear to me that what I was seeking was not so much change itself, more so growth.
Growth, in my opinion, is the facilitator of change, and part of growth for me was living in a space of humility; submitting and giving up control. I prayed and asked God to use me as He saw fit, not based on what I want, based on how I could be a blessing to others. If I knew exactly what was best for me and how to get there, then I would have already done it. I had to sit in what was often a difficult space of vulnerability, and allow truth into my life, this required me to: be still often, reacquaint myself with my core values, sometimes listen more than I talk, and make sure that the environment that I was nurturing was one that was selective of who and what received my energy and occupied my time and space. Everything and everyone that I engage with is actively contributing to my growth and feeding my heart, mind and my spirit. Growth isn’t a one-night stand, it is an ongoing loving, committed, gracious and forgiving relationship that you have with yourself for the rest of your life.
Friends, it does not benefit us to just simply verbalize the need for change, or to grab a sticky note and put it on display creating the illusion of effort, we have to do some spring cleaning and get rid of the junk. Whether we are seeking change in our health and daily habits, our professional life, or our love life, we have to take the garbage out already and clear out the shelves in our lives so that we can make room for growth. That friends, is when we will truly see change reflected in our everyday life. Be well!
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